When my wife and I got married, we assumed the cheerleaders would be on our side. We were wrong says William D King.
Both my wife and I grew up in families where most of our relatives earned a living as attorneys or judges. So it was natural that we expected to get at least some help from her family and mine when getting ready for “the big day”. But it soon became apparent that there was no such support coming from the bleachers on either side. What had happened? Why didn’t they want to see us so happy?
Here is Why Every Person Should Consider Looking at Their Life through a Legal Lens:
- Looking back, there is one overriding reason: both sides felt excluded by an over-involvement in every aspect of the wedding event by my wife and me – especially after we gave up on the idea of what’s called a “big” wedding (at least, big by average Americans standards). Both sides felt it was their right to make decisions about what we should do and how they wanted our wedding set up.
- Let me give an example, both my wife and I are Jewish, but neither side of our families were really concerned that we were getting married in a church – with pretty much all of my family members attending the wedding ceremony. But suddenly they found themselves feeling very differently when they learned that one of my uncles wanted to sing during the ceremony! My aunt expressed her strong feelings against this idea because she felt uncomfortable listening to him sing with his heavy New York accent so heavily accented that only she would know what he was saying. Once again, she felt excluded by this idea says William D King. So despite the fact that my uncle had sung during weddings in our family for decades without complaints, my aunt’s exclusionary feelings meant the audience would be protect from hearing his singing even though doing so would require an enormous effort to disqualify him when he had thousands of fans clamoring for his songs
- This same dynamic occurred in many other aspects of our wedding planning. My wife and I included too much in our discussions about what should happen with planning events for invitations, decorations, food, hotels where out-of-town guests should stay – you name it. And that made them feel like they were being exclude because we failed to consult with them fully enough.
- In the end, my family usually took a “yes, dear” approach to our plans and ideas. But they were doing so because we had excluded them from being able to fully participate – not because they liked what we included in all of those discussions! Once we realized why they felt left out, it was easy enough for us to have a very different type of discussion where everyone could be part of the process again. And as you might expect, this new approach didn’t lead to as many problems as before – and people actually began enjoying seeing us happy (and maybe even feeling like their opinions mattered again).
- I tell this story for one important reason: it’s impossible for any couple marrying or thinking about marriage not to make some decisions that will affect how their families and friends feel about the wedding. And while we can hope that everyone who is important to us will just accept every little idea we have without feeling slighted, it usually doesn’t work out that way explains William D King.
- What you need to do: Make sure your family and friends. Never feel left out of any discussion about your wedding. Because they may start talking behind your back to others in the group. And even sabotage what you want for your perfect day.
If you want a wedding that everyone enjoys. Give up on the idea of having a simple process for making decisions. Instead, create an atmosphere where those who are truly interest in your wedding can have their say. And even be part of your planning process at times. In the end, people will not feel excluded from any decision-making. Because they were allow to do so much more than just listen to what you had already decide!
Try to make sure that every family member and friend feels “included” in your wedding or your ceremony. Make them feel part of the process. So you can help everyone enjoy what should be a special day for both of you!